Stori Aderyn Du - A Blackbird’s Story
Gan Seran Dolma a Lindsey Colbourne
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Mae’r stori hon yn rhan o brosiect Seran Dolma i ysgrifennu cyfres o straeon byrion yn seiliedig ar sgyrsiau gyda cyfranogwyr a phartneriaid Utopias Bach. Mae Seran Dolma yn awdur Preswyl Utopias Bach.
This Story is part Seran Dolma’s project to write a series of short stories based on conversations with participants and partners of Utopias Bach. Seran Dolma is Author in Residence at Utopias Bach.
Mae’r ddynes yn yr ardd yn palu twll. I ddechrau roeddwn i’n meddwl ei bod hi’n chwilio am rhywbeth – aur, efallai? Ond mae hi’n gwybod nad oes dim byd yno ond pridd clai ac ithfaen caled. Mae hi wedi chwilio ar hyd yr ardd a’r mynydd efo’i dwy ffon gopr. Mae hi’n gwybod ble mae’r sianeli dŵr a’r llinellau o gwarts; gwythiennau’r ddaear. A dydi hi ddim yn hoff o bryfed genwair. Y tro gyntaf welais i un yr oedd hi wedi ei godi, edrychais arni, gan feddwl efallai y byddai hi’n ei fwyta. Ond na, roedd hi’n ymddangos i fod ofn. Roedd hi’n sefyll yn ôl, yn edrych wedi ffieiddio, ac yn lle’i godi efo’i dwylo fel faswn i wedi gwneud petai gen i ddwylo, estynnodd am ei thun bach a rolio sigarét bach tenau, a sefyll yn ddigon pell i ffwrdd. Ar ôl bod yn siŵr nad oedd hi eisiau’r genwair, es i lawr i’r twll a’i godi yn fy mhig. Doedd o ddim yn un mawr iawn, ond gorau oll, a’r plant mor fach. Ar ôl bwydo’r cywion, canais gân i ddiolch i’r ddynes am y pry genwair, a gwrandodd hithau wrth smocio’i sigarét. Mae hi bob tro’n gwrando’n astud. Mae hi’n ‘nabod fy nghan i, a chân y gwybedog brith, y titws cynffon hir, y dryw eurben a’r telor. Mae hi’n gwrando ar bobl hefyd. Gwrando fel petai beth sydd ganddyn nhw i ddweud yn newydd ac yn wreiddiol ac yn diddorol. Mae o’n ei chael hi fewn i drwbl weithiau. Weithiau mae nhw’n meddwl bod ei sylw hi’n eu gwneud nhw’n arbennig. Mae nhw, ond dim mwy arbennig na pawb arall. “Y berthynas sy’n bwysig” meddai hi, ac mae ganddi berthynas efo lot o fodau eraill.
Pob hyn a hyn mae hi’n dod ar draws carreg mwy na’r lleill, ac mae hi’n amyneddgar iawn, yn palu o’i amgylch, yn gweithio rownd a rownd nes bod ochrau’r garreg yn dod i’r golwg, ac wedyn mae hi’n ei rolio o’i dwll a’i osod ar yr ochr efo’r cerrig mawr eraill. Fuodd y dyn yn helpu heddiw. Mae o’n gweithio’n gyflymach, ond yn llai gofalus. Roedd hi’n hapus o gael ei gwmni. Roedd y twll yn ddyfnach ar ôl i’r ddau fod wrthi trwy’r prynhawn, a meddyliais efallai eu bod nhw’n meddwl claddu rhywbeth yno. Rhywbeth mawr, neu nifer o bethau. Pethau trydannol sy’n gwneud sŵn bipio. Car, efallai. Wn i ddim pam feddyliais i hynny, ond ei bod hi’n dwrdio o hyd bod pobl yn gyrru ceir rhy fawr, nad ydi ceir trydan ddim yn mynd i ddatrys y broblem (pa broblem? Wn i ddim. Mae pethau mawr ar feddwl y ddynes yma, dwi’n gwybod hynny oherwydd mae adar yn medru darllen meddyliau, ond dydw i ddim bob amser yn deall beth ydw i’n ei ddarllen.) Ond na, dydi’r twll ddim digon mawr i gar, a beth bynnag, fe fyddai’n anodd cael car i fynnu oddi ar y lôn. Mae ceir fel morgrug, dydyn nhw ddim ond yn medru mynd ar hyd y trywydd mae morgrug eraill wedi ei greu.
Y diwrnod wedyn fe fuodd hi’n glawio trwy’r bore. Glaw trwm, llwyd. Roedd y coed yn hapus, ond fuodd rhaid i mi a’r gŵr gymryd troeau yn cysgodi’r nyth rhag i’r cywion oeri. Mae adar yn gorfod bod yn dô uwchben eu plant, yn ogystal a’u bwydo a’u magu a dysgu iddyn nhw sut i hedfan. Fe bigais i lawr at y twll i weld os oedd ‘na bry genwair ar ôl i’r gwr gymryd drosodd, ond doedd ‘na ddim byd ond pwll mwdlyd, ac roeddwn i’n medru gweld y ddynes yn swatio tu mewn i’w chwt, yn siarad efo rhywun oedd ddim yno. Roedd hi’n edrych mor glud, a’r tô uwch ei phen a golau’r sgrîn yn disgleirio ar ei hwyneb. Edrychais i mewn trwy’r ffenest. Roedd hi’n dangos corn i’r person ar y sgrîn. Corn dafad, neu afr, efallai. Mae hi’n hel bob math o greiriau fel ‘na, mae ei chwt hi’n llawn ohonyn nhw.
“It’s a vortex” meddai “It sucks everything in, pulls it all down, down here” meddai, gan bwyntio at flaen y corn. “Compresses all the rubbish”
“Turns it into a singularity!” Meddai’r person ar yr ochr arall.
Wedyn sylwais bod ‘na raisins ar y silff ffenest, a collais ddiddordeb yn y sgwrs. Plant llwglyd i’w bwydo, dim amser i ystyried geiriau fel ‘vortex’ a ‘singularity’. Mae adar yn gallu athronyddu, ond yr adeg yma o’r flwyddyn does ‘na ddim amser. Llyncais ddau o’r raisins a chario tri adref i’r plant.
Y diwrnod wedyn, roedd hi’n sych, a daeth yr haul allan diwedd bore, ac yn ei sgil, y ddynes a’i rhaw. Efallai ei bod hi’n palu ‘vortex’, meddyliais, yn dychmygu sbiral yn troelli i lawr i grombil y ddaear, fel y trobyllau ar waelod y rhaeadr, fel yr ogofâu ble mae’r dŵr yn cael ei sugno i lawr i’r tywyllwch. Gobeithio na wneith hi ddim disgyn i mewn iddo, a chael ei thynnu i lawr i grombil y ddaear. Fasa ‘na ddim raisins wedyn, a neb i wrando ar fy nghân fel petai’n gerddoriaeth (mae’r gŵr yn gwrando, ond yr oll mae o’n clywed ydi:
“mae’r plant ‘ma’n llwgu, mae’r plant ‘ma’n llwgu, dy dro di dy dro di dy dro di”.)
Doeddwn i’n methu cysgu’r noson honno, wrth eistedd ar y nyth, a’r cywion bach yn swatio o dan fy adenydd, yn anadlu’n heddychlon. Beth os ydi hi’n agor porth i fyd arall, i’r isfyd? Mae pyrth yn medru sugno pethau i mewn, ond mae pethau’n medru dod allan ohonyn nhw hefyd. Beth os ydi hi’n rhyddhau grymoedd dinistriol, afreolus? Mae hi’n debyg i rhai o’r gwrachod oedd yn byw yma erstalwm. Dwi’n cofio fy nain yn sôn am ei nain hi, oedd yn ffrindiau efo gwrach ar y mynydd. Roedd yr wrach honno’n gwrando ar adar hefyd, ac yn deall pob gair yr oedden nhw’n ei ddweud. Roedd hi’n medru gwella afiechydon, a datrys ffrae, a rhagweld y tywydd, ond chlywais i erioed ei bod hi wedi sôn dim byd am ‘vortex’.
Dal i balu wnaeth hi’r bore wedyn, a’r pryfed genwair yn mynd yn brinnach ond yn fwy o faint yn haenau isa’r pridd. Rhai mor fawr bod yn rhaid eu torri’n dri i’w bwydo i’r cywion. Erbyn dechrau’r prynhawn, roedd hi wedi cyrraedd y graig yng ngwaelod y twll. “Dyna fo” meddyliodd, ac i ffwrdd a hi i’r tŷ. Daeth hi’n ôl wedyn efo rholyn o rhyw ddefnydd llyfn, du, a’i rolio ar draws y twll. Gwyliais o’r goeden, mewn penbleth. Oedd hi’n mynd i greu gwâl o rhyw fath o dan y defnydd? Na, oherwydd yn awr roedd hi’n sefyll arno, yn ei wthio i lawr i waelod y twll. Wedyn torrodd y defnydd i siâp ochr y twll, a gosod y cerrig mawr yr oedd hi wedi eu tynnu allan ar hyd yr ochrau. Wedyn roedd yn rhaid i mi fynd i chwilio am fwyd i’r cywion eto.
Erbyn y diwrnod wedyn, roedd graean wedi dod o rhywle. Mae’n rhaid ei fod wedi cyrraedd tra’r oeddwn i ar ochr y mynydd yn chwilio am gynrhon chwilod, achos chlywais i ddim byd. Roedd y graean yn gorchuddio gwaelod y twll, ar ben y defnydd du. Oedd hi’n mynd i lenwi’r twll yn ôl i mewn? Y tro nesaf i mi edrych, roedd hi’n sefyll ar yr ochr, a pibell ddŵr plastig gwyrdd yn ei llaw, yn llenwi’r twll efo dŵr. Nid twll, felly, ond pwll.
Rhai dyddiau wedyn, fe’i gwelais hi yn plannu planhigion yn y pridd soeglyd ar ochrau’r pwll. Llyriad y dŵr, ffa’r gors, crafanc y frân, gold y gors, llys y milwr coch, hesg a baner y gors. Cyn bo hir fe ddaeth chwilod o rhywle i wibio mewn cylchoedd gwallgof ar wyneb y dŵr, a sglefrwyr, malwod, gweision y neidr a mursennod. Pan ddaeth y tywydd yn sych, bu’r ddynes yn hel grifft llyffant o’r pyllau bas yn y cau gyferbyn, a’u dodi nhw yn y pwll newydd. Casglodd rifft broga a madfall o rhywle. Erbyn hyn, mae’r pwll yn gartref i gannoedd o greaduriaid, ac mae’r ddynes yn eistedd ar ei chwrcwd ar garreg fawr ar y lan, yn syllu i’r dyfnderoedd am oriau. Mae hi’n gwylio’r mynd a dod, fel mam dduwies yn gwylio’i chreadigaeth. A dwi’n gweld rŵan, mai byd oedd hi’n ei greu. Byd bach newydd, gwlyb. Bydysawd prysur sy’n adlewyrchu’r sêr a’r lleuad yn y nos, yn gynhaliaeth i gymuned gymhleth, newidiol, cystadleuol, cyd-ddibynnol. Mae ei meddwl hi’n clirio wrth syllu i’r dŵr, y gwaddol yn disgyn i’r gwaelod, cymylau’n adlewyrchu ar yr wyneb.
Mae’r cywion wedi gadael y nyth bellach, ac ar ddiwrnod braf mi af innau i lawr at y pwll i olchi fy mhlu, ac i yfed y dŵr. A dwi’n canu cân o ddiolch, am y dŵr a’r haul, a’r pryfed genwair, y gwynt a’r mwyar duon, ac am y ddynes sy’n gwrando ar adar. Dwi’n canu, ac mae hi’n gwrando.
The woman in the garden is digging a hole. At first I thought she was looking for something - maybe gold? But she knows there is nothing there but clay soil and hard granite. She has dowsed all over the garden and the mountain with her copper rods. She knows where the water channels and lines of quartz are; the veins of the earth. And she doesn't like worms. The first time I saw one she had unearthed, I looked at her, thinking she might eat it. But no, she seemed scared. She stood back, looked disgusted, and instead of lifting it with her hands like I would have done if I had hands, she reached for her tobacco tin and rolled a thin cigarette, and stood at a distance. When I was sure she didn't want the worm, I went into the hole and picked it up in my beak. It wasn't a very big one, but just as well, with the children being so small. After feeding the chicks, I sang a song to thank the woman for the worm, and she listened, smoking her cigarette. She always listens attentively. She knows my song, and the song of the pied flycatcher, the long-tailed tit, the goldfinch and the warbler. She listens to people too. Listens as if what they have to say is new and original and interesting. It sometimes gets her into trouble. Sometimes they think her attention makes them special. They are, but not more special than anyone else. "It's the relationship that matters" she says, and she has relationships with many beings.
Occasionally she encounters a stone that is larger than the others, and she is very patient, digging around, working in circles until the sides of the stone appear, and then she rolls it out of its hole and lays it on the side with the other big stones. The man helped today. He works faster, but less carefully. She was happy to have his company. The hole was deeper after the two of them had been digging all afternoon, and I thought maybe they were thinking of burying something. Something big, or several things. Electrical things that make buzzing noises. A car, maybe. I don't know why I thought that, except that she complains sometimes that people drive cars that are too big, that electric cars are not going to solve the problem (which problem? I don't know. This woman has big things on her mind. I know that because birds can read minds, but I don't always understand what I'm reading.) But no, the hole isn't big enough for a car, and anyway, it would be difficult to get a car up off the road. Cars are like ants, they can only go where other ants have gone before.
The next day it rained all morning. Heavy, gray rain. The trees were happy, but Mr Blackbird and I had to take turns sheltering the nest to keep the chicks from getting a chill. Birds have to be the roof over their children, as well as feeding and rearing them and teaching them how to fly. I nipped down to the hole to see if there was a worm after he took over, but there was nothing but a muddy puddle, and I could see the woman nestled inside her hut, talking to someone who wasn't there. She looked so cozy, with the roof over her head and the light from the screen shining on her face. I looked in through the window. She was showing the person on the other side a horn. A sheep horn, or goat, perhaps. She gathers all kinds of things like that, her hut is full of them.
"It’s a vortex" she said "It sucks everything in, pulls it all down, down here" she said, pointing to the tip of the horn. "Compresses all the rubbish"
"Turns it into a singularity!" Said the person on the other side. Then I noticed there were raisins on the window sill, and I lost interest in the conversation. Hungry kids to feed, no time to consider words like 'vortex' and 'singularity'. Birds can philosophize, but at this time of year there is no time. I swallowed two of the raisins and carried three home for the children.
The next day, it was dry, and the sun came out late morning, followed by the woman and her shovel. She might be digging a vortex, I thought, imagining a hole spiraling down into the earth, like the whirlpools at the bottom of the waterfall, like the caves where the water is sucked down into the darkness. Hopefully she won't fall into it, and be swallowed down into the depths of the earth. There would be no raisins then, and no one would listen to my song as if it were music (the husband listens, but all he hears is: “The kids are hungry, the kids are hungry, it's your turn, your turn your turn”.)
I couldn't sleep that night, sitting on the nest, with the chicks tucked under my wings, breathing peacefully. What if she opens a portal to another world, to the underworld? Portals can suck things in, but things can come out of them too. What if she releases destructive, uncontrollable forces? She is like some of the witches who lived here in the past. I remember my grandmother talking about her grandmother, who was friends with a witch on the mountain. That witch listened to birds too, and understood every word they were saying. She was able to cure illnesses, medate quarrels, and forecast the weather, but I never heard that she ever mentioned anything about any vortex.
The next morning she continued to dig, and the worms were getting less abundant, but larger, in the lower layers of the soil. So big that they had to be broken into three pieces to feed the chicks. By early afternoon, she had reached bedrock in the bottom of the hole. "That's it" she thought, and off she went into the house. She came back with a roll of some smooth, black material, and rolled it across the hole. I stared from the tree, confused. Was she going to create a den of some kind under the fabric? No, because now she was standing on it, pushing it down to the bottom of the hole. She then cut the material into the shape of the hole, and laid the big stones she had pulled out along the sides. Then I had to go look for food for the chicks again.
By the next day, gravel had come from somewhere. It must have arrived while I was on the mountainside looking for beetle grubs, because I heard nothing. The gravel covered the bottom of the hole, on top of the black material. Was she going to fill the hole back in? The next time I looked, she was standing on the side, with a green plastic hose pipe in her hand, filling the hole with water. Not a hole, then, but a pond.
Some days later, I saw her planting flowers in the soggy soil on the sides of the pond. Water plantain, bog beans, water crow’s foot, marsh marigold, purple loostrife, sedge and yellow flag. Soon beetles came from somewhere to spin in crazy circles on the water's surface, and pond skaters, snails, dragonflies and damselflies. When the drought came, the woman gathered up frog spawn from the shallow pools in the field over the road, and placed them in the new pond. Toad and newt spawn arrived from somewhere. The pool is now home to hundreds of creatures, and the woman sits crouched on a large stone on the shore, staring into the depths for hours. She watches the coming and going, like a mother goddess watching her creation. And I see now, it was a world that she was making. A new, wet little world. A busy universe reflecting the stars and the moon at night, supporting a complex, changing, competitive, interdependent community. Her mind clears as she stares into the water, the silt falls to the bottom, clouds reflecting on the surface.
The chicks have left the nest, and on sunny days I go down to the pond to wash my feathers, and drink the water. And I sing a song of thanks, for the water and the sun, and the worms, the wind and the blackberries, and for the woman who listens to birds. I sing, and she listens.